Soundtrack to this post is Sia – Elastic heart
So I have been sad over a man for the last few weeks, we’ll call him Kenneth… At first I lost my apetite (the break up diet) but much to my dismay I am now eating my feelings.
This morning it was in the form of a big gooey chocolate brownie. This has to stop, especially seeing as I was ordered to loose weight to fit into my bridesmaid dress at the next fitting (which is now only like 5 weeks away :-s ).
So, I need to get him out of my head and concentrate on loosing weight and my uni work, dissertation is due scarily soon and I’ve barely started writing!!
I have someone else texting me, Daniel. “Met” him on pof dating site the other week before I decided I was ashuing all men. He seems nice and laid back but then last Saturday told me he hurt himself after sledging along holding onto the back of a bus when he was drunk… He’s 33.
I think half the problem I have when it comes to men is I’m far too fussy. I am nearly 30 and I’ve had my fair share of relationships and broken hearts, people call me jaded but I prefer realistic. Between me and my friends I honestly believe I’ve heard/seen it all. I would love to let myself get swept off my feet by some smooth talking, good looking man, but inside I’m thinking yeah but what are your flaws? Drinker? Player? Crazy ex?
I think that’s where I went wring with Kenneth. He lives in London, he grew up here in Glasgow but moved there a few years ago for a job. I apparently met him at playgroup when we were 3, funnily enough I don’t remember that though. we then went to different schools and kinda got in touch when we were 17. We had a couple of dates, like one kiss maybe, then I dumped him for Jeremy who was a “bad boy” type, Kenneth was just too nice and shy.
Jeremy needs a post all of his own but basically he cheated on me, got the girl pregnant and lied about it. He only told me when the wee boy was 3. So yeah, we’re not together anymore.
But back to Kenneth, I think with him being so far away and us not ever spending any real length of time together I had kind of invented what he was like in my head. Not in a crazy way, just in that I thought he was this amazingly nice guy when really he’s just a guy…
It started just over a year ago when he split up from his girlfriend at the time. He came over to mine just as friends and we chatted away for hours. He then came back up to Glasgow about a month later and wanted to meet up again. This time we went out for a drink, he came back to mine and ended up staying over.
The first time we had sex, after it, he said, it feels like we’ve done that a hundred times. I totally knew what he meant, even though we’d been friends for technically about 25 years and only just crossed the line into bed, it didn’t feel weird at all. The ridiculous enteral optimistic romantic in me said it was cause we were meant to be!
We then started a long distance non-relationship seeing each other about once a month, he comes up a lot to see friends and family and I went to London 3 times too. He was very realistic about it and said he didn’t want a long distance relationship cause he’d had one when he first moved to London and it didn’t work, he ended up cheating on the girl. He said it was inevitable one of us would meet someone else and I agreed. While secretly falling in love with him. Note to self, playing hard to get with someone who is 400 miles away isn’t a good idea cause they are literally hard to get to….
Anyway that will have to do just now, next instalment very soon.